I Sit There
I've said something. I've hurt you. You look down at your shoes. It’s silence. I can already see the tears rolling down your tender cheek. I don't know what to say, so I just sit there. With an expressionless look upon my face, I sit there. Then you slowly raise your head as though you are going to say something. My ears perk, ready to listen. I catch a glimpse into your eyes, they look so sad, the tears coming out. I just sit there. You look into my eyes for a moment, look away, sniffle, and lower your head once again. I just sit there. I feel terrible, wretched. I despise myself. I promised you I would kill anyone who hurt you. Well, what do I do now? I just sit there. I lower my bottom lip, hoping the words will just come out on their own; they don't. I raise it back up. I can feel the chilling warmth of tears coming to my own eyes. I open my jaw again. One syllable comes out. I shut it again. You raise your head; slowly, carefully, as though you're afraid it may fall off and roll away at any second. Through your hair, I see your mascara is running down your cheek with the tears from your eyes. I look you up and down; from head to toe. Then, you slowly shift your weight to your left foot and turn around. You’ve turned away from me. I shut my eyes. If I don’t see it, it won’t happen. I hear the door open and know it is. I hear an almost whining coming from my own body. I don't know what’s causing it. I slowly lean my own weight towards the empty, but still open, door. I must pick up each of my legs one at a time; they are so reluctant. I am out of the door walking down the street. There’s a loud crash, I run to the corner. I turn it and see you. You're looking up, straight into my eyes, encircled by a growing pool of maroon. You look at me for the longest time. There are people screaming at us. Pushing me this way and that, but I am caught in the trance of your eyes. You blink just once as I sit there.
hopeless and worthless.