maybe we had a big misunderstanding. maybe I was wrong this whole time. perhaps she didn’t feel that way to begin with? what do I do when I don’t know what I am doing? what time is it? where am I? this is all wrong. she’s gone, and she’s here, but I still feel like I want to throw up every second of the day, or pass out, or just fall over and die altogether. I do everything I possibly can to work this out and the outcome forces me to do everything I possibly can to end this whole mess. a knife, a window, a pill bottle, a moving car, a trigger, it’s all the same to me now… means, they’re all means to carry out this deed. it’s hopeless, the resistance I apply, I can’t back down, I’ve been pushed to where it is I am. and I cannot back down off this ledge, I can’t remove my finger from the trigger, and these headphones will not falter from their placement over my ears, shutting the world out, letting everyone know how I feel about them. no one will be there, no one will be given the pleasure and I made the decision for no one, it was made in sheer greed, resistance to the needs of all. I am no longer the bitch of this town, and I will no longer comply with its wishes. it is this piece of paper alone which has held me back in the past, now the plans are activated, and you, not one of you can stop it; it’s been over for at least a year. I can’t help but fall into the mist of this death. it’s over today.
it’s over today.